It’s Complicated is a porno movie for women in their 50s and 60s. It features a college graduation, attractive kids who don’t want to leave home, a group of fun female friends including Rita Wilson, Alec Baldwin, a woman who owns her own Dean & Deluca type business yet never has to work there, Steve Martin with two tickets to a Jazz Festival, a beautiful kitchen, and plans to redecorate that kitchen. Also every man in the movie looks like he was dressed by a group of women. Also all the music sounds like it’s from a Starbucks car CD. The one fatal flaw is that they never show you the new kitchen. Come on!
Mike O’Brien and I are in PAPER MAGAZINE’s Beautiful People issue.
Look, I’m a beautiful and sexual individual but I didn’t get this way alone. I’d like to thank the following things for contributing to my physical appearance over the years:
Hair Cuttery, Head and Shoulders, Stolen Shampoo from Hotels, Milk (1982-2009), No Milk (2009-Present), Oxy Pads, Clearasil, Tetracycline, Benzac and all the great Acne treatments, Crest Toothpaste, Free Toothbrushes, Floss (sometimes), Tobacco Companies, Coffee and Other Harmful Stimulants, The Greenpoint YMCA, 10lb weights, 20lb weights, Even 25lb weights, Hotel Treadmills, FiberCon, The Color Blue, And of course, McGillicuddy’s Penis Lengthening Supplements.
Great news everybody! Remember when I taped all those wigs together and then glued googly eyes to it? Well I entered that stupid formless ball of hair into a dog competition and it won Best in Show!!! So cool right? Here’s a photo of it “walking.” You may be wondering how I did the teeth. Simple: I took a fish-mouth from the bones of a trout I ate one night and taped it upside down below the eyes. I’m really happy for it. It’s name is Wig Garbage.
My album NEW IN TOWN went on sale today! You can get it on iTunes and you can get the CD and DVD on Amazon. I am aware that when you search NEW IN TOWN on Amazon the hit Renee Zellweger movie of the same name comes up first. Luckily I played Harry Connick Jr. in that movie so I own a piece of that too!
My Comedy Central Special “NEW IN TOWN” premiers tonight at 10/9C!!
I hope you watch it. I hope you enjoy it.