Apr 20

carmellobello:

“It’s Complicated”

(link via)

It’s Complicated is a porno movie for women in their 50s and 60s. It features a college graduation, attractive kids who don’t want to leave home, a group of fun female friends including Rita Wilson, Alec Baldwin, a woman who owns her own Dean & Deluca type business yet never has to work there, Steve Martin with two tickets to a Jazz Festival, a beautiful kitchen, and plans to redecorate that kitchen. Also every man in the movie looks like he was dressed by a group of women. Also all the music sounds like it’s from a Starbucks car CD. The one fatal flaw is that they never show you the new kitchen. Come on!

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Seth Meyers and Me in Marblehead Reporter

“Why did he wear that suit?” - My Nana

Seth Meyers’ mother and my mother both grew up in a town called Marblehead, Massachusetts. The Marblehead Reporter did a story on our connection to the town. My grandmother is quoted as saying she did not like the suit I wore in my Comedy Central Special. It is the only quote she gave. 

UPDATE: My mom says my Nana does not remember saying that to the paper. But does not deny that she didn’t like the suit I wore. 

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Mar 28
Mike O’Brien and I are in PAPER MAGAZINE’s Beautiful People issue.  Look, I’m a beautiful and sexual individual but I didn’t get this way alone. I’d like to thank the following things for contributing to my physical appearance over the years: Hair Cuttery, Head and Shoulders, Stolen Shampoo from Hotels, Milk (1982-2009), No Milk (2009-Present), Oxy Pads, Clearasil, Tetracycline, Benzac and all the great Acne treatments, Crest Toothpaste, Free Toothbrushes, Floss (sometimes), Tobacco Companies, Coffee and Other Harmful Stimulants, The Greenpoint YMCA, 10lb weights, 20lb weights, Even 25lb weights, Hotel Treadmills, FiberCon, The Color Blue, And of course, McGillicuddy’s Penis Lengthening Supplements.  Thanks

Mike O’Brien and I are in PAPER MAGAZINE’s Beautiful People issue. 

Look, I’m a beautiful and sexual individual but I didn’t get this way alone. I’d like to thank the following things for contributing to my physical appearance over the years:

Hair Cuttery, Head and Shoulders, Stolen Shampoo from Hotels, Milk (1982-2009), No Milk (2009-Present), Oxy Pads, Clearasil, Tetracycline, Benzac and all the great Acne treatments, Crest Toothpaste, Free Toothbrushes, Floss (sometimes), Tobacco Companies, Coffee and Other Harmful Stimulants, The Greenpoint YMCA, 10lb weights, 20lb weights, Even 25lb weights, Hotel Treadmills, FiberCon, The Color Blue, And of course, McGillicuddy’s Penis Lengthening Supplements. 

Thanks

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In honor of buying an iPad today here is the first Apple product I ever had. My parents gave my brother and sisters and me an Apple II GS for Christmas in 1987. It could do everything. Paint, Paperboy, Paint. Everything. I typed my first paper on it in first grade, in all caps. 

In honor of buying an iPad today here is the first Apple product I ever had.

My parents gave my brother and sisters and me an Apple II GS for Christmas in 1987. It could do everything. Paint, Paperboy, Paint. Everything. I typed my first paper on it in first grade, in all caps. 

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Feb 17
It’s been a long day…

It’s been a long day…

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Feb 15
Great news everybody! Remember when I taped all those wigs together and then glued googly eyes to it? Well I entered that stupid formless ball of hair into a dog competition and it won Best in Show!!! So cool right? Here’s a photo of it “walking.” You may be wondering how I did the teeth. Simple: I took a fish-mouth from the bones of a trout I ate one night and taped it upside down below the eyes. I’m really happy for it. It’s name is Wig Garbage.

Great news everybody! Remember when I taped all those wigs together and then glued googly eyes to it? Well I entered that stupid formless ball of hair into a dog competition and it won Best in Show!!! So cool right? Here’s a photo of it “walking.” You may be wondering how I did the teeth. Simple: I took a fish-mouth from the bones of a trout I ate one night and taped it upside down below the eyes. I’m really happy for it. It’s name is Wig Garbage.

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Jan 31
My album NEW IN TOWN went on sale today! You can get it on iTunes and you can get the CD and DVD on Amazon. I am aware that when you search NEW IN TOWN on Amazon the hit Renee Zellweger movie of the same name comes up first. Luckily I played Harry Connick Jr. in that movie so I own a piece of that too! 

My album NEW IN TOWN went on sale today! You can get it on iTunes and you can get the CD and DVD on Amazon. I am aware that when you search NEW IN TOWN on Amazon the hit Renee Zellweger movie of the same name comes up first. Luckily I played Harry Connick Jr. in that movie so I own a piece of that too! 

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Jan 29
Our in-flight movie was “Footloose.”

Our in-flight movie was “Footloose.”

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Jan 28

My Comedy Central Special “NEW IN TOWN” premiers tonight at 10/9C!!

I hope you watch it. I hope you enjoy it. 

Love,

John Mulaney

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Jan 27

I was on CONAN. It was real fun. 

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